Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize