he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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