so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
