If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
