3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
