Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
