Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
