The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This is the high leading the old right now
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
