I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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