this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
