I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
