So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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