Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
