I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
