The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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