he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
