I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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