so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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