So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
