LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
