we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me that man meat
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
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