Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
