I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
