Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
40s are totally the cure
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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