...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
