end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
