he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
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i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
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He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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