I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
