i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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