On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
