Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
