He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize