i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
