I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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