The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
