Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
