I cockslap morals
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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