Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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