I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
