I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
