He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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