New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
