even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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