i permit you to call me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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