just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
