So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
