Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Randomize
