During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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