We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
