I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
