Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
