he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
