Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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