a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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