Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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