Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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