I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
