Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.

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(239): View more from Florida

it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.

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(205): View more from Alabama

Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.

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(+79): View more from

Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight

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(631): View more from New York

I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.

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(904): View more from Florida

All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you

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(519): View more from Ontario

I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything

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