Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
