Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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