it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
