saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
