they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
