O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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