people are starting to question the shark bite story
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
