when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
