So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize
