this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
