At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
