We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
