So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
please come you make the beer taste better
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
