Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
