dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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