Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
