the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I don't deserve a penis
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
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So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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