last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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