stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
