genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
