I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
