Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
