I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
